Crazy Life

    Christian Living in Today's World Christian Life with Mental Illness  I was talking to my husband yesterday about Christianity and mental illness. I bless my husband who recognized my suffering and insisted I get help.  But how can an untreated person be a Christian when they cannot control themselves? Since he has witnessed my meltdowns when I get off my medications.  Ken felt he did not have the answer.      What happens, after about three days without medication I am appalled to hear the things that come from my mouth. I can hear them but I cannot stop them. Indeed it is if a demon has entered.  I say cruel and critical things, everything is very negative. I also cry a lot because I say the most negative and hurtful things to myself. I am a total failure at life, a bad mother, too stupid to even bake a loaf of bread. Nothing good has ever happened to me in my whole life. I should just ram this car into a bridge abutment. Why would my husband love someone as fat and

Don't you hate when people make a reference to something in their life and you aren't"in on it". You have no idea what they are going through or what kind of emojii might be called for. So this will be the full story, the rest of the story. As I was thinking about writing this, I had the urge to be vague. After all, so many times the truth can show us in an ugly light. I want everyone to think I am sweet and nice all the time. Well, I am not.  So while this story doesn't reflect well on me, it reflects the wisdom and power of our God. My family has been dealing with a problem and the problem is another family member. My brother has been dealing with multiple health issues and has not been able to work in quite a long time.  I am 13years older than my brother and happily retired but for the last two years I have worked at various parts time jobs to pay his monthly condo fees. A condo my aunt purchased for him. Some of the jobs were hard, lifting furniture, ca

     On Father's Day, particularly on Facebook we see many heartwarming pictures and stories. Then there are those of us who are silent. Those whose fathers died before we were old enough to have memories, who opted out, or just didn't leave any good memories.  My father died this past fall in October. I wish I could say I was grief stricken. Unfortunately I was only mildly sad.  I did feel bad for his mate of many years, Ruth and her family. They loved him and became his family. I am grateful that he had that. I realized that I know almost nothing about him on an intimate level. Did he hang a robe on the bathroom door? Colgate or Crest? What was his favorite color, or season, or food, or sport? Chocolate or vanilla cake? None of the things you know about people by years of close association. So whose fault is it? Sadly, neither of ours. Society in 1959 took a dim view of divorce, at least in our part of the world. It was very rare.  Mothers would get custody...period. Th

The title is paraphrasing Dorothy Gale from the movie The Wizard of OZ.  It can be difficult to tell the difference just by looking. I am working my way through the Old Testament. I began jotting down the names of the women mentioned on an index card.  To my surprise I have filled three cards front, back and margins and started a fourth. Some of the women's names are probably well known to you. Heroes like Marian and Rahab, strong leaders like Deborah, great beauties like Bathsheba and beautiful evil ones like Jezabel and Delilah. There are so many more, their names are listed with the description as "mother of....". This puzzled me for a while.  If this was their only claim to fame why were they actually named? Today, on this eve of Mother's Day (a holiday that did not exist as far as we know in Biblical times) the significance hit me. The mothers of particularly successful Godly men were named. The mothers of exceptionally evil leaders were named, often with

I was practically born in a church baby bed. I even remember being in the nursery as a toddler. I go to church with a couple who even kept me in the nursery at Abney Street Church of God those many years ago. I remember when I got saved. We were good little Methodists in my youth group and the local Baptists were showing a movie about the Rapture. Our minister, who had two young sons in youth group urged us not to go to the Baptist to see it.  Perhaps this was reverse psychology. At any rate all of us, including ones who seldom attended youth group made a bee line for the evening Baptist service. I don't remember the walk down the aisle,  more of a float, I do remember the euphoria, the feeling of cleanness.  My friends cried in happiness and Steve Wilson - our church naughty boy - walked me home. I didn't become perfect - far from it. I did become serious about Bible Study and prayer. Largely thanks to Carol Young, our youth leader. This was roughly about the same ti

     Obedience is something I have always had trouble dealing with. Any older person in my family, although not so many are left - could tell tales of my childhood. I would sneak out in the "woods" behind our house, refuse to tie my shoes, talk back, and strain against the discipline of 30 minutes of timed piano practice. Even as a toddler I threw huge screaming temper tantrums      The older I got the more of an attitude of MAKE ME! I got. When told to do the dishes I would do half the job, hiding the worst ones in the bottom of the garbage. I was halfway obedient.      Even joining the military was an act of defiance against the universe which I was sure was against me.  Maybe part of the reason I have failed marriages is because when someone told me "you can't" or "you shouldn't" I would immediately do that thing, very vocally.      During my first marriage we struggled with money management as many young couples do. I had saved and saved

There was a man whose pregnant wife craved ramps,  His next door neighbor had a beautiful garden full of wonderful fresh produce. Each night the wife would beg for ramps to fulfill her craving, so one night after dark her husband snuck into the neighbors garden and picked some ramps for his darling wife. The next night, his wife was sighing for more and once again he snuck into the garden, only to be caught by the owner, who happened to be a witch.  She agrees he may have all the food from the garden his wife desires but when the baby is born it will belong to her. Being afraid, he agrees. He promises she may have the baby. Fairy tales were often used to illustrate a moral. There was another story. A boastful miller claimed his beautiful daughter can spin straw into gold. The king hears of this and sends for the girl. He shows her to a room full of straw and tells her that if it not turned to gold by morning she will die. A little evil Rumplestiltskin shows up to help her, but there

 In Junior High I developed an interest in the occult. I think many children show a passing interest in this kind of "magic" and then move on to other things. I studied numerology. I had a pamphlet from some teen magazine, maybe Seventeen magazine. I read 16, Tiger Beat, all those, hoping for articles on Bobby Sherman - oh, those blue eyes. Reducing my name to one digit on their very scientific formula A=1 etc. I was a two. I am sure whatever description given for a two I met completely. Then I found an old Ouija board in the utility room. My friends and I all gathered around the coffee table. That would be the same table I had already accidentally set on fire playing with candles and bubbled the varnish off of. We asked the typical pre-teen questions. Does John, Jeff, Mike, Donny Osmond love me? Then I started asking the Ouija board questions about itself. "Who are you?" I would demand over and over and the plaquette would swirl around rapidly on the board ne

When your children were toddlers they probably were very active. They were exploring, touching, putting things in their mouths. As a parent you probably said "No, no" thousands of times, perhaps a light smack on a chubby little hand or even a short time out. You wanted to keep them safe from breaking glass, electrical outlets, pans on a stove, and germs. Once I lost power in my house and happened to notice a tweezer sticking out of an outlet, tripping a breaker. Courtesy of a little blond angel. As your children grew they may have grumbled under their breath about you, complained to their friends or even outright defied you. You probably let it go up to a point. But at some point you had to remind them that you were the parent - the authority of the household. During the 40 years I have been wandering through the desert with the children of Israel I have seen them disobey many times. They made an idol. I thought it particularly teen like when Aaron more or less shrugs h

As I continue reading my soap opera - the Old Testament- I am in Leviticus. The Hebrews are wandering around in the desert, still complaining, arguing and so on. Probably much like my neighborhood today. Not much is going on, well except God smiting a couple of Aaron's sons who messed up the temple ritual. I was struggling through the beginning but then I realized what I was reading was the equivalent of today's Merck Manual - a guide for diagnosis and treatment of the common ills of the time. The priests were the appointed "doctors". If someone had a skin ailment they were to go to the priest. He would decide if they were "unclean" and needed to be isolated from the rest of the community. If they improved during this quarantine then they were to shave off all their hair, take a bath and wear clean clothes. I imagine they dealt with some of the same hygiene issues we have today such as lice and fleas. I also imagine there wasn't a lot of bathing an

What if I asked you to put your hand under my thigh? Or in my personal area? Would you thing I had lost my mind? In ancient biblical times this was an action taken to swear an oath. Abraham requires it of his servant as he goes to seek Isaac a wife, and Jacob requires it of Joseph concerning returning his bones to their homeland. How do we swear an oath today? Perhaps in a courtroom or at an inauguration with a hand on the Bible? Have you ever made an unkept promise? When my children were small they would often ask me to promise them something, and mostly I refused. I explained that whatever it was it was my intention to do if I possibly could but that I would never make them a promise I could not keep. The word PROMISE was taken very seriously at our house. I have too often heard children wailing to parents, "but you promised!" They learned that they could not trust their parents word. In the marriage ceremony we make a promise before God. Many times (including by me

UA-132360761-1 Many times since middle school - which we called junior high- I have tried to read the Bible in order. I would start with Genesis and either get bored or lose my commitment to the project. I would hit the begats and give up. I thought the Old Testament was pretty boring. Most of what I knew were the sanitized Sunday School versions of stories. Then I would say, since Jesus is the New Law, why bother reading the Old Testament? So what has changed? Perhaps it is timing. I am retired and not rushing to work and activities. Perhaps it is just my age or my spiritual growth.  This time, I am already into Exodus. Reading the Old Testament is like reading an epic adventure. The people seem so real. The yielding to temptation (Adam and Eve) jealousy (Cain and Abel), favoritism (Rebekah and Jacob), rape and revenge (Dinah and her brothers), more jealously (Joseph and his brothers) enslavement, plagues, escape, flooding, food that falls from the sky, burning bushes, rods that